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RE: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN WHEN ...
Reply to: pers-475489328@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-11, 7:49AM PST


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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN WHEN ...

Reply to: pers-474966270@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-10, 2:03PM PST


More overposted idiocy by another ‘original thinker’ from the Left:

1. You're barely middle-class yourself but support tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% of Americans because you think welfare recipients are driving Cadillacs. And then you believe that only Democrats were killed when that bridge fell into the Mississippi or in New Orleans during Katrina.

You know you’re a Democrat when you believe the fairy tale that ‘targeted’ tax cuts actually soak the rich AND boost the economy.


2. You and your unemployed draft-age sons have "Support the Troops" bumper stickers on your gas-guzzling SUVs and you ignore the irony by threatening to beat up people who point it out.

You know you’re a Democrat when YOUR gas-guzzling SUV has a faded Kerry-Edwards bumper-sticker on it.


3. You are a chickenhawk. In both senses of the word (a war hawk who has never served; an older man preying on young flesh).

You know you’re a Democrat when you applaud your city for banning the Boy Scouts from meeting on public property, because they discriminate against chickenhawks becoming scoutmasters.



4. You are so fearful of Al Quaeda launching an attack on the Steak n Shake in Knoxville, TN or Crabshit, KY, or Bumfuck, TX that you'll gladly give up your own civil rights.

You know you’re a Democrat when you’re willing to allow the Gub-Mint to take away your civil rights via anti-smoking ordinances, anti-gun laws, or a Universal Healthcare Sytem.



5. You believe that your little midwestern shithole town is the "real America" even though your children can't wait to escape, and towns like those have been steadily depopulating themselves for the last 35 years. 65% of the nation's population lives within 50 miles of the 15 largest metro areas in the country (13 of which voted Democratic), and yet you're convinced that the real America is a place most Americans actively shun.

You know you’re a Democrat when you brag over some nebulous propaganda that purports people are moving away from small towns and into the cities, and then scream about the overcrowding, pollution, rising crime, traffic congestion, and escalating property taxes being caused by all those incoming residents.


6. You hate Hillary Clinton more than Osama Bin Laden.

You know you’re a Democrat when you hate Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush more than any terrorist leader, period.


7. You think criticism of George Bush is the same thing as hating George Bush. On second thought, most of the time you'd actually be right.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think hating George Bush is a substitute for creative thought.


8. You think that criticism of voting machines manufactured in the Philippines using chipboards made in Communist China and assembled by a Venezuelan-owned company is crazy conspiracy theory. You refuse to believe that politicians have been stealing elections and stuffing ballot boxes since the 1790s.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think only Conservatives cheat in elections. Democrats are as pure as the virgin snow.


9. You cannot fathom that George Bush bought his Texas ranch three weeks before declaring his bid for the Presidency.

You know you’re a Democrat when you gleefully ignore the fact that Senator Hillary Clinton was not raised in New York, either.


10. You can't make the connection between the last three decades of labor union bashing and your own declining wages and skyrocketing insurance premiums.

You know you’re a Democrat when you refuse to make the connection between Union greed, the destruction of American companies, and the loss of American jobs to other countries.


11. You'd rather allow Exxon-Mobile to get $14 billion a year in tax credits than a poor black family get housing assistance or job training.

You know you’re a Democrat when you’re dumb enough to believe that taxing the rich and corporations will provide all the revenue needed to support the unlimited demand created by Gub-Mint entitlement programs.


12. You believe that all of Bush's failures are directly attributable to biased media coverage.

You know you’re a Democrat when you believe the mantra that President Bush is a failure, even though he was re-elected, and has beaten the Democrats almost every time they’ve pulled another political stunt on him or his administration.


13. You believe that progressives, Democrats, liberals, anti-war activists, and Bush critics hate the USA. Yeah, you believe that these native born Americans, many of whom are exceedingly prosperous, happy people, who have children and businesses and long family histories, who have served their communities with military or public service, you actually believe these people want Al Quaeda to set up an Islamic caliphate in Pennsylvania or Colorado or California?

You know you’re a Democrat when you pretend that you love America, while calling a large majority of its residents a bunch of buck-toothed, rednecked, gun-toting, Bible-banging, homophobic idiots.


14. You are so scared of "socialism" that you refuse to even consider reforming our broken-beyond-repair health care system. You refuse to believe that the USA is now ranked 44th in life expectancy.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think the best way to fix America’s healthcare challenges is to create a Gub-Mint run system as lousy as the ones in Britain or Canada.


15. You have an irrational hatred of France, home of Lafayette, Rochambeau, and Montesquieu, our ONLY ally against King George III, and who gave us the Statue of Liberty! Not to mention some hot women and excellent wines!

You know you’re a Democrat when you bemoan the loss of French President Jaqcues Chirac, who was anti-American, and hate conservative President Sarkozy, who supports George Bush and the War On Terror.


16. You honestly believe two dudes getting hitched will ruin your marriage.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think that destroying traditional marriage is good for the family unit.


17. You want the 10 Commandments posted in public buildings, despite the fact that you can only remember 3 or 4 of them and have broken just about every one except murder.

You know you’re a Democrat when you want ALL references to religion removed from public structures, even though religion was foundational in the birth of America.


18. You have an unholy desire to perform oral sex on African-American undercover police offiers.

You know you’re a Democrat when you use homosexuality as a slur, and then pretend to tolerant and understanding towards gay people.


19. You think that Karl Rove, whose father was a closeted homosexual and committed suicide, and who personally screwed the Republican Congressional candidates in '06 by having Bush relentlessly campaign for them, is a political genius.

You know you’re a Democrat when you attack Republicans with unrelated acts by friends and family members, and then use it to justify some lame-brained political rant.


20. You will shortly be featured on TO CATCH A PREDATOR having a little chat with Chris Hansen about why you showed up a 12-year-old girl's house when her parents are in Europe.

You know you’re a Democrat when you attack people for being pedophiles who prey on 12-years-olds, while applauding “progressive” European countries like the Netherlands for lowering the age of consent to 12.


21. You want lesbians to be second class citizens, yet you continue to rent pornographic videotapes showing lesbians engaged in explicit sexual activity.

You know you’re a Democrat when you ridicule “dykes”, but get turned on when 2 “pretty” girls fool around.


22. You refuse to acknowledge that the Federal government grew to its largest size in history, and at its fastest rate of growth, between 2001 and 2006, during which time Republicans (the party of small government) held control of both the legislative and executive branches of government.

You know you’re a Democrat when you’re green with jealousy that the Federal Gub-Mint didn’t grow to its largest size under a Democratic President.


23. You don't realize that welfare has already been reformed so as to be unrecognizable from the 1970s entitlement program, and that it was a Democrat (the much hated Bill Clinton) who reformed it.

You know you’re a Democrat when you give Bill Clinton ALL the credit for reforming welfare, even though the reform was instigated by a Republican-led Congress.


24. Your head spins when your liberal Democratic communist neighbor says that he hated Bill Clinton too, but since you don't understand the concept of "centrist" vs. "moderate" you change the subject and start talking about gays instead.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think ALL Democrats and Liberals are “moderates”.


25. You hate Bill and Hillary Clinton, but you can't exactly remember why. Furthermore, you continue to blame Bill Clinton for today's woes (the war in Iraq, the deficits, the shaky housing market, gay rights) even though he hasn't been president for 7 years. And you also tend to forget that Clinton had Republican Congressional majorities for most of his presidency, which means he was one of the most bipartisan presidents in history. And finally, nobody in their right mind would ever call the man a proud "liberal." So why do you insist on using that label?

You know you’re a Democrat when you think Bill and Hillary Clinton are selfless individuals, totally altruistic, and little gods on Earth. Except for those Whitewater and Lewinsky molehills that mean ol’ Republicans made mountains out of.


26. In the moral scale of things, you honestly believe Bill Clinton is a worse man for murdering Vince Foster than George Bush is for sending nearly 4000 U.S. troops to die for his Iraq Follies, for making the use of torture legal, and for suspending habeas corpus for anyone he decides is a suspected terrorist. And if you're a true Republican, you won't have any idea what habeas corpus is.

You know you’re a Democrat when you’re stupid enough to think you’re a Constitutional Law expert, even though the only thing you know about habeus corpus is that the term shows up a lot on liberal blogs.

27. You distrust and dislike African-Americans because they're all lazy, welfare-cheating gang-bangers, and yet your children spend every penny of their allowance buying their music and their fashion wear, and they spend every minute of their time watching their music videos or their exploits on the football field or basketball court. And whether you've noticed it or not, your kids talk like them too.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think you’re the best friend the Black Community has, because liberals like you have made 3 generations of blacks the most dependent on welfare of any minority in this country. You also think Bill Cosby is a traitor to his race.

28. You don't want women to be allowed to have abortions, yet we've noticed that you haven't adopted too many unwanted children yourself.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think unwanted, inconvenient children should be destroyed, ignoring the fact that there is a desire for adoptable babies that exceeds availability.


29. You can't quite figure out why the owner of Fox News (the only trusted source for news in your world) is also the same man who owns Fox Broadcasting Channel, which airs an endless sewage stream of oversexualized shows relying on the crudest form of humor. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE in your Republican brain.

You know you’re a Democrat when you fume over the fact that Fox News is whipping all their competitors in the ratings.


30. In your world, it is perfectly okay for a group of wealthy activists who never served a single day in the military, and in fact actively DODGED military service, to publicly and without shame slander and malign the service of someone who did serve honorably in the military. You figure it's okay because they're using their military experience for political gain; however, you forget that they joined the military at a young age, when political gain was the furthest thing from their minds.

You know you’re a Democrat when you gloss over the fact that your last Democratic President is an admitted draft-dodger, and your last 2 Democratic presidential contenders LIED about their military heroism during their campaigns.


31. You can't comprehend the idea that freedom OF religion automatically includes freedom FROM religion.

You know you’re a Democrat when you think freedom FROM religion gives you the right and obligation to stamp out any mention of it in public.


32. The US Constitution is NOT based on Biblical tradition. Indeed, the father of the constitution, James Madison, was a deist, which was 18th century code for "agnostic." If you've studied any history at all, you'll realize that a few ministers of the day complained that the Constitution didn't mention God at all, to which Thomas Jefferson (another deist) famously replied (I'm paraphrasing), "I'm pretty sure we mentioned him twice, actually."

You know you’re a Democrat when you pretend to be an expert on the religious beliefs of America’s Founding Fathers, even though you’ve never read any of their personal diaries or letters, and all you know about the subject comes from reading left-wing blogs on the Inter-Web.


AND FINALLY: You know you’re a liberal Democrat when you dump overposted liberal tripe on Craigslist because you think it makes you look like a political genius.    
   



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